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“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation,creativity and change.” If you have ever had the feeling “I am not enough”then these videos are a must. Watch Brene Brown talk about an important and seldom talked about component of the human condition. Click here for Brene Brown’s TED talk Listening to Shame.  Dr. Cynthia Sholes,Ph.D,MdH My spring cleaning project in some sense got started last spring with abdominal surgery. I had to remove what we thought was a cyst from the inside of my abdomen,but turned out to be a fist size non-malignant cancer. As you can imagine,this was quite a scare. For a couple of days,all we knew was that I had cancer. I had to work hard with my mind and emotions not to begin to focus on the worst case scenarios and send myself into a panic. My mantra became,“Delete that thought. We just don’t know yet.” The surgeon and oncologist recommended that I soon undergo a second more invasive surgery to remove all of the surrounding and “unnecessary” organs —my spleen,my appendix and a portion of my colon —because of the specific type of tumor. According to the doctor,it could re-grow and eventually take over my entire abdominal cavity. It took me a couple of months and some pivotal coaching by a naturopathic doctor and friend, Dr. Destia Skinner,to really settle into the idea of trusting the innate wisdom of my body to heal itself rather than choose to take my chances with the invasive surgery. I decided that if I was really going to trust my body,I had to support it with a clean diet,This led me to work with Dr. Mitra Ray,a biochemist,with a P.h.D in cellular biology and a passion for whole food nutrition. I committed myself to her 7 day Beauty and Rejuvenation retreat followed by a 90 day whole food plant based diet. With the help of Mitra’s coaching,I was able to eliminate about 10 lbs of unneeded waste,most notably,fat and I learned that for my body to really operate at it’s best,I needed to eliminate toxic waste. Needless to say,I felt great too. Suddenly,I started noticing that having clutter in my physical environment feels overwhelming and disheartening. I was starting to feel a connection between my physical space and my emotional and internal space. So I decided to cleanse and organize my home and office. Thanks to the inspiration of my friend, Chris Stovall,who is a professional organizer,my kids and I began a purge of the excess clutter in our house and personal spaces. It has been a difficult journey for me to let go of so much of the physical clutter that I have chosen to have around me because letting go of it has required me to look at myself in the process. And that is never easy,for anyone. I started feeling more emotional throughout the day. I remembered that cleansing has a scientific effect on emotions,making the old patterns impossible to ignore. The Mind-Gut connection:our guts contains upwards of 100 million neurons and produces 95% of the feel good neurotransmitter -Serotonin. There are some 30 other neurotransmitters also produced within the gut. So it is no surprise that when the body purges toxins that are stored in the gut,old emotional patterns and stored neurotransmitters of all kinds get released and cleared out as well. During this process of physical cleansing,I discovered patterns that I was holding onto emotionally that were now ready to be cleared! I called my friend and colleague,Dr. Ginger Mills,who is a chiropractor and energy healer. Because of her keen sense of how our emotional and energetic patterns get stuck in the physical body,she was able to help me clear the energy patterns that created the environment for dis-ease . She utilizes shamanic healing tools and a keen intuition to facilitate the clearing of patterns. And now for the best part! Last month,I went in for an MRI to check on the potential progress of the tumor. Thankfully,all that I have been doing,has been paid off. There was no tumor or any remnant of tumor to be found. My surgeon was amazed. He says he wants to see one more MRI next year to confirm that there is no sign of cancer and I will have completed my bout with “cancer.” As I reflect back on this story,I see that one of the most important things that made my story a hero’s journey rather than a victim story was the support that I had from my friends in the healing community. I could not have done it without the support of these talented and gifted healers. As my husband and children will attest the road wasn’t always pretty. But it was worth it. What I have learned on this journey is that cleansing is a lifelong,daily and sometimes minute by minute process. The connection between the mind and the body is so powerful and while it has always been my passion,I know that my journey has only strengthened my ability to support you more completely in being happy,healthy and whole and to live the life you most dream of. I look forward to supporting you on this journey of life. For more information contact Dr. Cynthia Sholes,650-704-1252 Contributing Copywriter &Editor:Elyse Marie Kirk by, Dr. Cynthia Sholes,Ph.D.,MdH
Are You a Wolf? Native American wisdom says that in our hearts we have two wolves, one is love and the other hate. Both are strong and evolutionarily important to human existence and survival,and knowing them will help you to make choices that support your health and well being. The “wolf of love” fills your heart with energy and good health. The “wolf of hate” momentarily stimulates erratic activity in your physical heart,which can be documented with a heart rate variability device. While useful in certain situations,too much of this stimulation ultimately depletes your heart’s function. As you might guess,in our world today,the “wolf of love” is more often effective than the “wolf of hate”. Unfortunately,this knowledge doesn’t always keep the “wolf of hate” asleep. The good news is that recognizing and accepting your internal wolves is the first step in having choice and power over them. In this article,you will come to recognize how the wolves of your heart show themselves and how you can begin to work with them to open your heart and strengthen your heart energy. The wolves have both psychological and physical representations. When one wolf or another is expressing itself,you will have a physical reaction as well as thought patterns and emotions associated with it. Your wolves have their own unique personalities too. It is useful to get to know them. Getting to know your “wolf of hate:” To get to know your “wolf of hate,” you may have to look for subtle clues to its actions. The “wolf of hate” feeds on fear-based emotions such as insecurity,overwhelm,frustration,irritation, doom, depression, disdain, shame,distrust,and anger. The “wolf of hate” surfaces anytime one of your needs is threatened. This could be quite subtle. You might experience the “wolf of hate” showing up as irritation if something threatens your ability to make it to a meeting on time. Or,you might recognize the “wolf of hate” if you feel your efforts aren’t solving a problem that you see. Or you may even feel a bit of hostility to the excess email that is keeping you from getting to bed on time. Each of these are instances in which the “wolf of hate” is alive and well. Depending on what you do and think in the moment you can either strengthen your wolf or subdue its aggressive energy. In general the “wolf of hate” stimulates the body by initiating the stress response and,depending on how much the wolf has been fed and what type of food you are feeding it,the heart beats more rapidly and erratically,your breath rate increases,your palms might sweat and you might feel excess nervous energy. Aggression and hostility are associated with high levels of testosterone in both men and women and low levels of serotonin. The erratic heart rhythm produced by the “wolf of hat”e is associated with a range of feelings from fear and hostility to timidity and irritation. It is an indicator of the stress response associated with heart disease,poor digestion,immune system dysfunction and other chronic health conditions. Caging an active “wolf of hate,” causes long term chronic stress,which can lead to depression and adrenal dysfunction. In depression,there is a flat heart rhythm,often associated with immune suppression,heart disease,or cancer. In this case,the heart has closed and the energy of the heart has become depleted. You can turn around or eliminate these chronic effects of an over active or caged wolf by learning how to tame it. Taming the “wolf of hate”: Getting to know your “wolf of love”: Physically,a “feel good” hormone call oxytocin is released,a “happiness” neurotransmitter,serotonin,is stimulated and your body relaxes. Digestion and the immune system are supported,your heart rhythm is smooth and even. You will feel your heart open and positive energy in your body flowing. You may feel happy,joy,pleasure,appreciation,compassion and empathy. Working with your wolves – creating a strong and open heart. Unfortunately,sometimes you may be too caught up with the specifics of whatever riled up your the “wolf of hate” to find the “wolf of love.” If this is the case, help your “wolf of hate” get more general with its concerns,so that the intensity of the negative feelings begins to subside. Once there,your negative emotions are relatively general — such as feelings of irritation or disappointment — then you will find it easier to engage the “wolf of love.” The “wolf of love” has empathy and can bring compassion and love to any situation,though you may not be very practiced at bringing these feelings into situations where you might feel threatened. Empathy is also a powerful tool to calm the “wolf of hate” and can be used to settle the negative emotions of this wolf when it is aroused by other peoples actions or inactions. By focusing on empathy and compassion for the other person,you will be able to find a window into your heart to reach the “wolf of love” who thrives on compassion. Which wolf gets fed is determined not so much by what happens around you or to you,but more by what you think about what happens – in other words,your interpretation of events. Where you have the most power is in recognizing that you can chose your interpretations. Choosing an interpretation that is forgiving and compassionate feeds the “wolf of love” and will give you the greatest strength and power,mending your heart and letting you and those around you thrive. If your inner “wolf of hate” is over active or gets triggered too easily,or if you have trouble easily accessing the fullness of your “wolf of love”,then give me a call. I can support you with getting to know the personality of your wolves,what their needs are,their threats,and how to work with them to effectively achieve the goals that you have in your life. Nurture your “wolf of love.” Let your heart sing. One of my friends who is a mom like me asked about stress and the effects that stress has on children and their parents. As a practitioner and parent I see this issue from two sides. I know the importance of managing stress and also often find it hard or inconvenient. However, I thought I would share with you what I have learned. The first and most important thing to know about stress is that stress kills brain cells. And, it is your brain that determines who you are as a mother (or father). So keeping your stress under control is critical to your ability to, not only do a good job as a parent, but also to helping you be happy with the life that you have. There are two different types of stress that affect the brain: physical stress and psychological stress. Both are important to control for optimal brain function. Because when your brain works right then you work right. Psychological stress is a natural reaction to a threat. Our stress system was designed evolutionarily to help us freeze, flee or fight for short term and infrequent stressful events such as running away from the tiger. If a tiger were chasing you, the stressful situation would soon be over because either you have escaped from the tiger or been eaten. Either way, it is over, and your body can return to its normal, relaxed activity. Unfortunately in the modern world we are not confronted by short term, finite stressors but are attacked by an infinite array of ongoing stressors, such as traffic, deadlines, appointments and alarm clocks. Even our thoughts can cause stress if they suggest catastrophe or doom. So our bodies stress response can often remain turned on over the long term. This is devastating to most of the organs of your body including your digestive system, immune system, reproductive system and brain. Chronic distress affects your sleep, ability to learn, to recall past memories all of which affect your ability to make good decisions. Physical stress such as lack of sleep,a poor diet and physical trauma to the brain are equally devastating to brain function both short term and long term. Chronic stress (physical or emotional) is one of the risk factors for Alzhiemer’s disease and other forms of dementia – slow, long term brain damage. Stress affects our children as well. Our children are born with large brain reserves which can either be lost or maintained depending on the lifestyle we teach and provide for them. The larger the brain reserves the greater the child’s resilience to changes and stressful events. When a child is not able to easily bounce back from a stressful event or minor trauma then you might be wonder if there is more you can do to provide a brain healthy lifestyle for your child. In addition to keeping your child’s psychological stress as low as possible,you will also want to avoid other dangers that damage the brain such as nutrient poor diet, lack of sleep, over-weight or obesity. Beware also not the thrill your child to death with indulgences that might overwhelm and wear out the pleasure centers of their brain (game boy’s,“thrilling” movies, TV, over use of cell phones or internet, junk food). These indulgences work on the same pleasure centers activated by cocaine and other drug. Over use can be just as addictive if not moderated. Be especially concerned about blows to the head. Whether they occur in play,from a fall or from some other accident,these physical stressors can have long term affects. The soft brain tissue can easily be damaged if it bangs against the hard skull,creating inflammation and death of brain cells. Because children have brain reserves,they usually heal well from this type of trauma;however,if your child has taken a blow to the head and has marked changes in mood,personality,or sleep over the next few weeks or even a year then take them in to a neurologist for an evaluation. As your child grows discourage high contact sports that could cause brain injury such as football,snow boarding or boxing. When it comes to these high impact sports,helmets are better than nothing but be aware that they might provide a false sense of security,doing little to offset the damaging effects of a heavy blow to the head. Food can be either medicine or poison for the brain. So it is important to know your poison and avoid them. Food manufacturer (think Cinnabon) have discovered the perfect combination of fat,sugar and salt that works directly on the pleasure centers of your brain creating a pattern of addition similar to heroin or cocaine addiction. These types of foods become poisonous to the body,creating heart disease,diabetes,obesity,dementia and depression. The blood sugar spikes that result from eating these sugar laden foods kill brain cells just like traumatic ongoing psychological stressors. Even fruit juices can have a negative effect on brain function because of their sugar load. The average American eats 150 lbs of sugar a year – no wonder we have an epidemic of childhood obesity. This is a problem. A recent study at the University of Pittsburg showed that the fatter a person becomes the smaller their brain becomes. Other poisons to the brain include most process foods because of all the food additives such as preservative,coloring,flavoring and artificial sweeteners. Pesticides,herbicides,hormones,and antibiotics that are found in packaged foods and non- organic produce,meat and dairy can also have deleterious effects by killing brain cells. Instead of junk,choose nutritiously dense healthy foods that support your child’s brain reserves. These include fruits,vegetables,whole grains,lean meats and legumes. Most people in our culture don’t get enough fruits and vegetables. The recommendation is 7-13 servings yet most kids are lucky to get three servings a day. Because it is so difficult to meet the requirement on a regular basis,my family and I supplement with a fruit,vegetable and berry concentrate called Juice Plus. It is the only whole food supplement I know that is backed by independent clinical research from major research institutions around the world. We also supplement with omega-3 fatty acid such as high quality fish oil. Your brain is made of about 20% fat but only the right kinds of fat support good brain development and function. Most of us don’t get nearly enough omega-3’s in our diet. Rich dietary sources include flax seed,chia seed and fatty fish. I also often recommend Vitamin D supplementation because most American’s are low in vitamin D because lack of sun exposure and vitamin D is critical for brain function. However,vitamin D should not be taken indiscriminately because too much can be harmful. Ask your doctor to do a test for vitamin D to determine any deficiencies and supplement accordingly. Lastly don’t forget the water. Your brain is 80% water and it needs to be replenished every day. A dehydrated brain is a dysfunctional one that can’t learn or focus. Soda’s,caffeinated or other sugary drinks do not substitute for water. The good news is that there is a lot that can be done to eliminate or off-set the effects of both physical and psychological stress for you and your child. In addition to eating healthy food,the brain thrives on exercise. Some of the best brain exercises for your family is physical exercise. Physical exercise and sports not only exercises many different parts of the brain,such as the somatosensory and motor cortex for sensing and initiation of movement,cerebellum for coordination,and the prefrontal cortex for planning and executing strategy,but exercise also reduces stress and improves circulation to all parts of the brain. Any learning activity is good exercise for the brain. So if your child is in a rich sensory environment with many learning opportunities including play,your child’s brain will get plenty of healthy brain exercises. Stress is multi-factorial so we treat it with many different lifestyle choices. However,taking a few moments every day to actively reduce our daily stress and allow our bodies to float into the relaxation response is one of the most important strategies for a healthy brain. There are many ways to do this from yoga,meditation,deep breathing,guided imagery,and self hypnosis to engaging in the enjoyment of music or art. One of the easiest techniques for adults to learn is mindful focusing. It is a mindfulness meditation in which an object is used to focus your attention. The object can be anything you enjoy looking at. Preferably something you can hold in your hand to move and feel. Observe the object non-judgmentally;just notice it and all of its details. As you focus on the object,let your mind relax,let your body relax,and let your breathing relax. If the mind wanders,just bring it back to focus on the object. Maintain this focus for 10-20 minutes. When you are done your ill have reset your stress response,replacing it with a relaxation response,your mind will be clear and alert. You will have more energy and be more creative. Try this technique anytime you have a craving for junk food that you don’t need. This technique will help you reduce your cravings and give you the same or greater pleasure with the added benefit of calming the body and mind. For small children an easy way to help them rest their mind is to sit next to them with the side of your body contacting theirs. Ask them to close their eyes for a few seconds (maybe 5-10 to start with) when they open their eyes ask them to tell you the stories that they saw with their eyes close. Repeat this over several times for 10 min. This allows the child’s mind to relax and calm. Showing love to your child such as snuggling,stroking and hugging your child gently will reduce their stress response creating a happy healthier brain.
Over the last several weeks I have been studying the works of Dr. Daniel Amen. I love his stuff because he is a psychiatrist (a medical doctor interested in the brain and how it works,) and,like me,he has been searching for and finding the most natural,non-toxic and non invasive therapies to help our brains heal and be the most they can be. Dr. Amen has discovered ANTs (or rather he named them) and I recently learned from him how they work and how to get rid of them. The bad news is that we all have ANTs;the good news is we can all learn how to get rid of them. So what are ANTs? ANTs are Automatic Negative Thoughts. Thoughts that automatically show up in our minds and make us feel bad,unhappy or anxious or otherwise negative. Ok so you have ANTs (just like me and everyone else I know),now you want to know – where do ANTs come from? Well they come from your biology,your nervous system. You can only experience the world through your nervous system,your sense of sight,smell,hearing,taste and touch. Your senses give you information and then neural networks in your brain interpret the sensations based on your memories and your particular perspective. This microscopic cellular activity drives your perceptions,interpretations,feelings and beliefs and,therefore,your experience. Your experience then is equal to “what happened” plus your interpretation of “what happened”. Your experience is not reality,but a mere approximation of it. It is from your experiences – past,current,internal and external – stored as neural networks that all thoughts,including ANTs,arise. Once an ANT has appeared it becomes a tenacious pest that makes you feel bad and occurs like your reality. But your ANTs are not the truth even though they may feel that way. The idea that I don’t have to believe every thought that I think has been hard for me to get. I have always put a lot of importance on my thoughts (in a very nerdy kind of way). But I recognize more and more that there are many possible perspectives on any given thing that happens and one perspective or thought pattern isn’t more real than any other. So,if a thought makes me feel bad,maybe it isn’t true and I don’t have to keep it. It is like the four blind men exploring the elephant. The one at the leg says “It is a tree trunk”. The one at the tail says,“No,it is a rope. “ The one at the body says,“No,it is a wall” and the one at the ear says “No,it is a fan.” Are they all wrong,or all correct? Who is to say? Learning that not every thought that I think is “reality” has allowed me to identify and extinguish my ANT invasions and freed me to live a happier life because I get to choose what thoughts to keep and what thoughts to discard. By identifying the ANTs and beginning to do some ANT control,you too can feel better about yourself,others and the world around you. You can begin to take control over your interpretations of what happens to you and then control over your experience of the world. ANTs come in different forms and are sometimes clandestine and hard to identify because they feel so true. Dr. Amen has identified 9 different types of ANTs which can help you identify them and process them out of your mind. I didn’t realize the number and diversity of the ANTs I was harboring until I saw the ANT Types and I recognized ANT invasions that I didn’t know I had. The 9 types of ANTs are:
If you are feeling bad,then it is time to do some “ANT therapy”. The first thing to do is write your thoughts down. This unloads your brain and,often,when you read what you have written you will recognize them as ANTs and the thoughts won’t have as much hold over you. However,if they still seem like a description of your reality then use the list above to identify the type of ANT that you are thinking. Once you have done this ask yourself the following 4 questions:
One of my clients,let’s call her Jenny,had a labeling ANT – her colleague at work was a “jerk” because he quit the job without much notice. In her mind this ANT was clearly reality. But,it felt bad to have the thought and it felt better if the thought did not existing. So we did the next step. Turn the ANT completely around. Find an opposite thought or feeling. (The opposite of fear might be courage) Remember there maybe many possibilities here. Once you have an opposite thought or good turn-around,then go through steps 1-3 with the new thought until you find a turn-around that you can believe and feels better than where you started. Jenny with the “jerk” for a colleague had trouble finding a turn-around that felt true. Finally,she settled on “he wasn’t a good fit for the company”. Although it is still a bit negative this felt much better to Jenny because there is more power in this thought. It suggests some positive solutions,like “someone else could be a better fit.” Or “he might do better in another company”,and “The company might do better without him.” So every time Jenny is tempted to call him a “jerk”, she reminds herself that “he wasn’t a good fit” and feels better. Once you have found a good feeling turn-around,write it down and every time the old ANT comes to visit,shift it to the new empowering thought pattern. This will reinforce the new thought pattern and with practice begin to extinguish the ANT colony. Practice with this technique and see if you don’t find some magical freedom from the burden of your thoughts like I did. Free yourself from ANTs and happiness with be available to you. Ahh. Peace of Mind. I would love to hear your experiences of how this works for you. If after doing this exercise you feel you are still plagued with ANTs,then it might be time to come in for some intensive “ANT therapy” or to eliminate the deep rooted patterns that have emotional content and stimulate ANT invasions. I would love to support you in ANT elimination so that you can achieve a new level of happiness that is here to stay. Dr. Cynthia Sholes
When I was a child Thanksgiving wasn’t always a happy holiday. Traditionally,we would gather together as an extended family and all of the disagreements that had been festering throughout lifetimes of sibling relationships and rivalries would surface and be magnified as each adult member fashioned him or herself as “chef extraordinaire”,no matter whose house Thanksgiving dinner might be held. Each member of the family,no matter how old,would find themselves playing out old patterns as if they were 4,8 or 12 years old (depending on the circumstance and the individual). Two old ladies bickering like 4 and 6 year olds is not a pretty sight. You may not have dysfunctional family dynamics but might have other dysfunctional traditions,such as gaining 5 pounds every holiday because of the variety of luscious food made with love. I can relate to that too because,believe me,with six “extraordinary” chefs in the kitchen,good food abounds and if you don’t eat it someone gets insulted. Or maybe for you the unhealthy holiday “tradition’ is the consistent overspending of the budget that comes with holiday gift giving. It is frustrating to be compelled into behaviors that you know aren’t really good for you,even if in the moment they feel right. Wouldn’t it be nice if your holiday traditions felt fresh and new and free. It is not so unusual to have automatic reaction patterns show up,especially at traditional events that are repeated every year. Automatic reaction patterns are just learned habits;a good thing by design – they are our brain’s way of conserving energy. And when the automatic reaction pattern is appropriate to the situation and is functional then it works great. Wouldn’t it be a drag if every time you had to brush your teeth you had to think about how to hold the tooth brush and which tooth to start on and which way to move? Luckily,your subconscious mind learned that pattern years ago so you don’t have to think about it. This is a functional pattern like so many others such as walking and typing and driving. Habits that have little emotional content are relatively easy to change. All you need to do is have an action trigger – a cued thought that disrupts the old pattern and reminds you to reinstates a new one. For example,instead of automatically accepting the second glass of wine,you can take the offer as a cue to say “no,thank you” and pick up your water. Unfortunately,not all patterns are so emotionally neutral. How you react to your sister,brother,or mother might not be as easy to change as your pattern of wine consumption. Why is that? If you don’t like the “traditions” that show up in your holidays,then how can you change them? Understanding the process of change and the necessary components of change can help you create change more easily. Change requires three elements to be in place. Your rational mind must want the change and understand what it is you are changing and why. Your emotional mind also needs to be on board with willingness and motivation. And once this is in place,you need to know the next critical step,and the next and so on. I recently heard a great analogy for the process of change in a book I am reading called Switch:How to Change Things when Change is Hard by Dan and Chip Heath. You can think of the change process like a rider trying to guide an elephant to a destination. The rider is your rational mind,she knows where you are going and why you should go there. The elephant is your emotional mind,reacting automatically,habitually,motivated by food,water,pleasure,rest,and fun and in avoidance of anything scary,unknown or unpredictable. The elephant and the rider also must have a clear,level path to follow in order to reach their destination with ease. If any one of these elements is out of place the rider won’t get where she is going. You won’t achieve your change goal. Continuing to use this rider and elephant analogy,if you want to change your holiday “traditions” to ones that are functional or even fun,then you must first engage your rider (your rational mind) to decide what it is you want. You must motivate your elephant (your emotional mind) by engaging with positive emotions. And you must ease the path by finding the easiest next critical step. Often we fall back on old patterns we learned as children without thinking,partly because changing these patterns takes willpower and constant presence of mind,like the rider trying to push or pull the elephant. Just like the rider’s strength,willpower eventually wear out if the elephant isn’t willing and is in resistance. Willpower is a limited quantity that can be exhausted. In other words,when your rational mind is overworked by using willpower,it fatigues your brain. You can often get stuck in the process of change,trying to motivate an unwilling elephant,because the elephant’s strong reaction patterns are so ingrained. This is where the neuroemotional technique that I do with my clients can really help. It can quickly and easily eliminate the old emotional patterns that hold the bad habits in place by bringing your “elephant” up to date,neutralizing the old,ineffective patterns learned in childhood. When your “elephant” no longer has to protect itself from the windmills of the past,then it usually can see the value of your goal,just like your “rider”. Then finding ways to ease the path with action triggers and suggests of the next critical step can easily create a fresh,new habit and a more effective,fun,and freeing holiday “tradition” is born. I think if my grandmother would have started the Thanksgiving holiday by buying her sister a small gift (not a fruitcake) or,better yet,acknowledging her ability to make the “best” meat pies,then the whole atmosphere would have been different. Change would have occurred and,not just for them,but for everyone around them for generations. This would have taken something from my grandmother – an understanding that change is possible,a vision of what it might look like,a willingness to release the old grudges and a willingness to see the needs of my great aunt’s elephant. I don’t recall this happening in their lifetimes;but I suspect now that they are both gone,the path to reconciliation has been greatly eased,at least in their generation,and their riders and elephants have reached their destination. It doesn’t have to take you a whole lifetime to throw away the old fruitcake traditions and create some fresh and freeing ones that support your over all goals. So if you have some ‘traditions” that aren’t working for you,give me a call so that I can support you to move through the change process quickly and easily. Keeping the wonderful,life giving traditions and eliminating the ones that drag you down can make the Holidays be the time of celebration and joy that they were meant to be. Who wanted that old fruitcake anyway?
The Gift of You There is a Vitality,a Life Force,an Energy,a Quickening that is Translated through You into Action. And because there is only One of You in all Time,this Expression is Unique. If You Block it,it will never Exist Through any other Medium and it will be Lost. The World will not have It! You Must keep that Channel Open. It is not for You to Determine how Good it is,nor how Valuable,nor how it Compares with other Expressions. It is for You to keep it Yours ~ Clearly,and Directly. For You are a Gift to the World. I would like an argument please. The question of what is consciousness is such a morass that most people don’t even go there. But,it is a morass that I dearly love and identify with. I was born,raised and trained a materialist –that is the belief everything derives from a physical cause including consciousness which,in the materialist view,can be explained as an emergent property of the brain. However,my heart was never there,some how,I always believed there was more –God,and a united universal energy or force to which I belonged to be precise. I have been interested in the question of what is consciousness because for me it asks the question what is God? I have studied the philosophy and science of consciousness and for the longest time,to spite my hearts knowing,I was firmly rooted in the belief of a materialist universe. My experiences as a hypnotherapist and healer over the last several years have opened my mind up to my heart again;but,I have yet to reconcile my philosophical and scientific understanding of this question. Luckily it doesn’t keep me up at night because I am a firm believer that reality is merely a perception anyway;so,when we don’t know,we should chose a belief that supports our growth as human beings. So I choose to believe in the existence of universal consciousness to which I am a part. However,I am still nearly obsessively interested in the question of what is consciousness. If you are too,or if you think you can convince my materialist mind that there exists a higher consciousness or a personal consciousness that is separate from our brain,I would love to have that argument with you,and I would love to lose Sometimes I wish this site let you contribute anonymously so I could share and hide out at the same time. But,I am not going to let it stop me from disclosing my humanness in the hopes that something I share will be useful to others. It’s only friends that read this site,right? (If you didn’t think the designation “friend” referred to you,well if you read this you can consider that it does.) Well,I have recently had a lesson (or two or three) on the importance of being present. In the last year I have received no less than 3 traffic ticket – all moving violations. Well as you can imagine I am not at all happy about this my feelings have ranged from anger at myself to shame,embarrassment and even depression. The first one,no big deal;traffic school was no fun but doable. The second,I began to think the universe was trying to teach me something. Be more careful. A little too trite to be very impactful I can see in hind site. The third,after going through the series of emotions described above and not letting myself dwell on any too long. I realized that I have to take a good hard look at exactly what the lesson in this is. Could it be I should stop driving? Maybe I am just incompetent and should be pulled off the road. What if I had had an accident? Even though the myriad of emotions going through my mind/body seemed to suggest that this was reasonable,I decided that logically it is a bit extreme and,anyway,it would wreck my life more than the increase in insurance that is sure to happen already at this point. Rather than focusing on how much all of these mistakes were going to damage my life I decided to really find the lesson. And learn it. So what is common among these different episodes? In none of the cases was I intentionally breaking the law and going against the rules. I began to realize that even though I have been practicing “mindfulness” in many areas of my life I am still the master multi-tasker and had brought this much too much to my driving. What have I been doing the last year? Well,I have been using the time in the car to learn more,listening to books and lectures while I drive. In each case there was something that I was interested in hearing. All three tickets could have been avoided if I had been more aware of my surroundings and focused more completely on my driving. Now it wasn’t as if I was completely distracted in any of the cases,I was aware of the other cars around me,of the road conditions,and in general,what I needed to be aware of to be safe. However,in each case,I missed something important,something that would have clued me in and changed what I was doing. So now I know,that the lesson is one of being aware,bringing complete awareness to the moment of driving. I started practicing a type of awareness called mindfulness a few years ago. I first practice in meditation and then began to slowly bring it into my life so that I could be fully present to my surroundings and life experience in the moment. So much I have gained in this practice. When you are present the moments of right NOW,you because present to really living. This practice has really been and continues to be a learning experience. When I first began the practice,I realized that I had spent much,no most,of my life just doing,reacting,thinking of other things;and,in general,not really being there in the moment. It used to be when someone was talking,I would be trying to think of what I was going to say next. When I was doing one thing,I was often thinking about how I should be doing something else. I would find myself worrying about what happened yesterday or what I was going to do tomorrow. Now,there are times and places (many through out a day now and especially when I am working) in which I can really be fully there,totally present and focused. It brings and peace of mind,a gratefulness to my experience. In the moments that it happens it can be pure joy. But,even though I bring this mindfulness practice into my life every day,it clearly isn’t all of the time. And it clearly isn’t enough because it has been pretty much absent from my driving. It is time to change that. For me this is not a simple task and I might suggest that it is not for many. I have gotten in the habit of using driving time to think as well as learn. At any given moment my mind could be a hundred miles away thinking about some “mind/body” problem (it is the absent minded scientist that hasn’t gone away no matter how long I have been gone from the research arena.) I get very little time alone to think except when I am driving. My mindfulness practice which really has made extra-ordinary improvements in many areas of my life would have to be bumped up a level. As I wonder what that might look like or how I might do it,I am reminded of a client that I recently had who is a black-belt in martial arts. He described a state of being in which he becomes so aware of his environment that he is able to anticipate and react to a blow coming from behind before he is able to consciously hear or feel any movement. I am not sure that I have ever had this intense experience of awareness,if so it has been rare. However,I believe that this maybe a description of what I want to cultivate for my driving and wonder if it might be beneficial in other areas of my life as well. Epologue: Time is infinite,yet feels so scarce. I have been struggling with time management as I believe most people do to some extent in our society. A dear friend who studies the Course in Miracles sent me some beautiful quotes about time from the course: “The only aspect of time that is eternal is now.” “Now is the closest approximation of eternity that this world offers. It is in the reality of “now,”without past or future that the beginning of the appreciation of eternity lies.” “Now is the release from time” There are many resources to discover the value of time in the now. I have read and found useful,“The Power of Now”by Eckhart Tolle and “Where Ever You Go,There You Are”,by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I am sure there are many others. It is interesting how many spiritual traditions have insight into the value of being present or mindful. One of the clearest traditions that teaches and values being present is Zen Buddism. There are opportunities to learn and experience mindfulness meditation in most local areas. As frequently as I am able I join the meditation group at Insight Meditation Center in Redwood City,CA. If you want to a quick way to learn to be in the now check out my audio recording “Calming the Monkey Mind” |  Cynthia A. Sholes,Ph.D.,MdH(650)704-1252 
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| Cynthia A. Sholes,Ph.D.,MdH - Mind Wave Institute - 555 Veterans Blvd. Redwood City,California - (650)704-1252 - drsholes@mindwaveinstitute.comServing Menlo Park,Mountain View,Los Altos,Redwood City and Palo Alto in the Peninsula of the San Francisco Bay Area | |||
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